My kingdom for a night of uninterrupted sleep

I love sleep.  Anybody who knows me will tell you I love sleep.  And they will tell you that if I don't get a full ration of sleep, I am unbearable.  We are in a perpetual cycle of broken sleep for me, which has been going on for about four months now.  I fully acknowledge that there are some things I CAN be doing differently, but resolution to the principle problem continues to elude me.

 

This is what a typical night looks like for the Head Zookeeper (aka me):

 

11:00 pm (ish):  Lights out.  King beagle joins DH and I on the bed.  This is not a problem as his snoring has the effect of a sweet lullabye and for all his 50+ lbs (he has asked me not to reveal his true weight), he really doesn't take up that much room.

 

11:30 pm (ish):  I snappishly politely inform DH that it is bedtime and I don't want to hear about the mechanics of the new router/stack/computer doohickey he installed at work. 

 

11:45 pm (ish):  Fall asleep plotting sweet revenge as DH continues to explain about computer doohickey. 

 

12:30 am (ish):  Am rudely woken up by paw in face.  This is not King Beagle, who maintains his residence at the foot of the bed.  No no, this is 75+ lb Havoc who has the grace of a gazelle when it comes to getting on the bed, but loses said grace when it comes to actually sleeping in bed.  Chase Havoc off of bed, waking DH in process.  DH blindly grasps for spray bottle to hasten Havoc's departure off of bed, squirting me in the process. 

 

12:45 am (ish):  Fall asleep plotting DH and Havoc's revenge, with grim smile firmly in place.

 

1:30 am (ish) to 3:30 am (ish):  Wake, with terror in heart, to KIC's bedroom door firmly closing (because neither she nor DH appreciate the value of shutting the door quietly).  Feel covers on my side of bed (why it is always my side, I don't know.  Maybe because I am closest to door.) unceremoniously ripped off.  KIC climbs into bed for less than 10 minutes before requesting to "go backa my bed."  Poke DH awake so he can take her to her bed. 

 

4:30 am (ish):  Wake with fear that I am paralyzed as I cannot move my legs.  Realize Havoc has gotten on the bed, AGAIN, and chase him off.  DH too tired to pick up water bottle, so I thank God for small blessings.

 

6:00 am (ish):  After hitting snooze on alarm several times, drag sorry butt out of bed to start my day, wondering why I am so tired.  Recall events of night and hate.everyone.  Go to closet to get clothes for day, see that both Havoc and the dog affectionately known as The Enforcer, have occupied space previously assigned to me.  This makes three out of four dogs on bed.  Only reason there isn't four dogs is Old Girl is arthritic and only gets on bed for special occasions (namely, naps with mom).  Family, and dogs, escape unharmed as I am out of the house before they are awake. 

 

For the record, I recognize that crating Havoc will help with the interuptions, however, I still have KIC to contend with.  I came up with a genius plan, and decided to try bribery.  The night light to chase away the "frogs, spiders, bees and Queen bee" did not work, so hopefully the lure of a new Barbie and a Pinkalicious game will be the answer. 

 

In the meantime, if you know anybody selling sleep in a bottle, I am willing to pay a pretty penny.

Quotes from the weekend

This weekend included a trip to visit Minga and Grandpa in Virginia Beach.  KIC was in rare form, as the following snippets will prove.

*****************
KIC the responsible:

KIC (at the crack of dawn):  Mommy, it's mornin' time, it's time to wake up.
Me:  But I'm tired and I don't want to wake up.
KIC:  Well, Miss Kathryn's not coming today, so SOMEbody has to wake up!!!

**************
KIC managing the violence:

Me:  Gross!!!
KIC:  What?!?!?!?
Me:  Daddy put his boxer shorts in my basket!!
KIC:  Daddy!!!!  Do NOT box her shorts!!!!

*****************

KIC keeping me in check:

KIC:  Mommy, did you pack my toothbrush?
Me:  Whoops, no I did not.
KIC:  K, I'll get it.
Me:  Can you get your toothpaste too?
KIC:  Sure.  (Pause). Do Minga and Grandpa have water too or....
Me:  No, we are good.  They have water.
KIC:  K, just checking.

**********************
KIC on keeping Daddy supplied with sugar

KIC:  Mommy, can we stop at the Krispy [Kreme ]for donuts for daddy?
Me:  Sure, bebes.
KIC:  Thanks, Mommy.
Brent (slightly chagrined):  Thanks, Mommy.

***************************
KIC not supporting Grandpa's choices

KIC:  Here, Grandpa, what about these?
Grandpa holds up a separate bag of fishing worms that he is going to purchase and declines KIC's suggestion.
KIC:  Well, okaaaaaaay, if THAT'S your choooooice, then I guess that's a good choice (voice plainly indicating it was a wrong choice and he'll regret it someday, but hey, do whatchu gotta do).

Hope your weekend was filled with hilarity as well.

Leap of faith

I have found most aspects of being a mother requires taking almost daily leaps of faith, especially when parental responsibilities.  Mothers are super efficient at multi-tasking, thanks in large part to the many eyes in the back of our head, and often think we can do everything associated with our children better than anybody else.  We accept the responsibility of being our children's biggest advocate and hope and pray not to drop the ball along the way.

I think one of the greatest challenges working mothers face is the one associated with child care.  I was blessed with the ability to stay home for three months and to work part time another two months afterwards.  Even still, it was hard for me to give this precious bundle I hadn't fully trusted myself with over to someone I was not married to, related to or known almost half my life.  The first week was probably the most gut wrenching ever, but my new mommy nerves settled and KIC did well.

From that first day with someone else providing for KIC's needs,  we had an idea in our minds as to what KIC's schooling future would be like.  All day childcare/preschool through to elementary school.  We (mostly me) had a very definite idea of the style of education that KIC should be exposed to.  We found a school that operated the way I thought I would thrive, therefore, KIC would thrive in that environment as well.  Except, somewhere along the way, KIC got lost.  She didn't hear very well for a long time, thanks to recurring ear infections that lasted well over 16 months.  She followed what her peers did, not really what the teacher said.  Even when she could hear well, the pattern had been established and trying to get a response directly from KIC was like pulling teeth.  She doesn't like to be wrong (I have NO idea where she gets that from), so she wouldn't even attempt an answer.  This would apply if you were asking her what she did five minutes ago or if you were asking her what color she was wearing.  She would say she didn't know, but could later be found reciting things like "blue + red = purple" to herself.  As a mother, it was very frustrating to know that she knew the concepts, but refused to demonstrate that she did.  KIC was no trick pony and she wasn't afraid to let you know.

I had to start considering a learning style different to what she was currently used to.  Her teachers were wonderful, but she wasn't retaining what she learned, at all.  Also preying on my mind, was the fact that every summer of her young life would be taken up in a school or camp environment.  It's one of the accepted aspects of being a working mother, but I couldn't help but think of my carefree summers and want that for KIC.

As it became clearer that we would have to pursue a different learning style for KIC, a tremendous opportunity came up to have someone we knew, trusted and liked give KIC the carefree summer of her young life.  Our focus was making the summer fun and pressure free.  Admittedly, my original request was to have KIC work on the areas where she needed the most practice.  Pretty quickly, that gave way to me relinquishing control and watching KIC bloom.  Make no mistake, KIC has always been a happy child, so I could never say she was miserable in the school setting.  But from the  very beginning of this new experience, KIC was somehow lighter than she had been while in school.  Each summer day was a brand new choose your own adventure chapter for her, and she was loving it.  Choices!  Fun!  And if some organic learning was snuck in, KIC embraced it.  It reinforced my belief that KIC needed something different.

So, now what to do?  KIC would always be welcomed at the old school, but was it what she needed?  How much trial and error could we afford, trying to find what worked for her?  The answer came quickly, but would require a leap of faith from us as well as from the person who had only signed on for a summer of fun.  Mostly on her part, cuz we Shoups are a crazy bunch.  I am not going to say that the Type A part of me came to the decision easily.  I am prone to fretting and fret I did, but KIC had improved in too many areas to be able to let my fears outweigh benefits so obvious, they smacked me upside the head.

All this to say, KIC will not be attending a preschool in the fall.  She will continue to stay at home and learn in a way that she cannot easily get lost behind her peers.  While her days of fabulous manicures and pedicures (!) and glamour girl picnics at a performing arts parks may be numbered, the door to her potential has opened that much wider.  We are extremely grateful for the opportunity and feel strongly that no matter how high this leap of faith is for all concerned, KIC has already come out a winner.  Please...with a mom like me, she can't help it!  ;)

The Art of Forgiveness

Raising children in a house full of animals is a delicate balancing act.  The members of the Shoup clan work really hard to ensure the safety of all our residents.  A clumsy fall requires an apology, dogs are off limits during eating times and cats cannot be picked up without adult supervision.  In turn, the animals do not share a bed with KIC ever, we are mindful during K's mealtimes and dogs must clear the stairs before KIC starts her descent.  We are extremely safety conscious and work diligently to prevent injuries and incidents.

Recently, however, there was an incident and KIC was bitten by one of our own dogs...in the face.  We aren't sure what happened other than the dog was asleep and a sleepy KIC tried to occupy the same space.  The dog was disciplined by KIC in a way KIC could relate to:  "No thank you, {insert name of dog here}.  That's not very nice.". The damage itself was certainly not as bad as you might expect, but the healing, even with constant ice, makes this momma's heart hurt. 

Last night, I asked KIC if she was still mad at the dog.  She said no she wasn't and that she realized it was an accident.  She said she was happy that she gets to feed the dog now and that the dog was still her friend.  She said she loves the dog and she was sorry she scared the dog and reiterated that she wasn't mad.

In am not sure why I never thought about what I could learn from my child, but forgiveness was definitely not on the list of things I thought I'd learn.  This is just another reminder of what a gift KIC is and how I still have so much to learn from her.  Though, if the universe is listening, I prefer my lessons without the side of dog bite.  Thanks.

Focusing on the positive - Update on Chief

Recently, I have started feeling that there is a void somewhere in the atmosphere and I have somehow walked right into the middle of it.  There are many contributing factors to this void, and all of them are having a greater impact than I'd like.  There are many things going well, and as always KIC serves as a bright and shining beacon helping to fight the fringes of darkness threatening to move in.   Some days, it's pretty hard to focus on the things that are going well and power through the day.  I feel like my big girl panties keep getting stretched thin in an effort to maintain my normal facade.  I'll power through it, I always do, and come out stronger on the other side. 

I did want to talk about a huge bright spot in the Shoup House.  You may remember my post about Chief where I talked about where he came from and the stresses of living with him and his behaviors.  We had gotten to the point where we no longer invited people who didn't know Chief to our home because it made our lives incredibly miserable.  We were fearful that an opportunity for KIC to have wonderful experiences would be denied as a direct result of Chief's behavior.  It's only a slight overstatement that we had become prisoners to Chief's behaviors, no matter what we did to try to control them.  He had improved significantly in that there was no more pacing and whining, no more relentless play and longer periods of restfulness, but we knew there was more he needed.  Much more and we just didn't know how to give it to him. 

I am ecstatic to say, we have found a wonderful trainer, through a training company in Northern Virginia, who has changed much of that fearfulness and unhappiness in our house.  Much of what had to change to make Chief successful was me.  The trainer has empowered me to be in charge again and not feel guilty about it.  I continue to learn valuable life lessons from Chief:  I may have experience, but there's always room for growth.  Chief has learned to calm down in the presence of new people.  He's learned he doesn't have to take food and he has gained respect for the "alphas" of the house.  He continues to be a work in progress, but oh my, how much progress he's made.

We recently had a canning party (I know, Martha Stewart, right???) with people Chief had seen before as well as people he'd never met before.  Jennie, who has met Chief at his worst, said that if we told her we switched Chief out for another dog, she'd have no problem believing it.  Julie, who had never even met Chief before, couldn't believe this was the dog I was telling horror stories about.  Kathryn, who thought she'd never be able to let him out of the crate during her days here, has sent me pictures of him snuggling  and content with her on the couch.  To be fair, the snuggling came well before the trainer, but the peacefulness wasn't there.   And finally, KIC no longer has to fear his lightning quick reflexes to steal her food and he respects her when she tells him no.  Doesn't stop him from begging, but we're taking baby steps.  Chief is a different dog and the Shoup House is so so so much better for it.

The hell that we have gone through, the people who have been hurt because we fostered Chief, and the relationships broken, never to be mended (who needs neighbors that like them anyway???) have tested our fortitude like nothing else ever has.  There are many things I wish I could take back, one HUGE thing in particular (TME, I can't ever express how sorry I am), but to be in the place that we're in now is nothing short of a miracle.  And that's a spot that will only get brighter. 

Hoping, if you're reading this and struggling with your own void, you find your bright spot and hold on with all your might.  That one bright spot might just attract other, brighter, spots helping to pull you out of the void.  That's my hope anyway.  I'll keep you posted.

Daddy Discipline

Poor Brent gets ganged up on by us girls. KIC generally follows my lead when it comes to dishing out the torment. I would like to preface the following story by saying no daddies were harmed.

KIC: Skunks make you smell bad by peeing on you.
Me: They don't pee on you, they spray you. Brent: That's right, they go "pssssshhhhhht".
Me: You know, once upon a time, your daddy was not very nice to skunks.
KIC, horrified: Did you spank him?
Me: No, I didn't spank him.
KIC: I think we should spank him!!
Me: I gave him a pretty good verbal spanking, didn't I daddy?
Brent: She sure did, KIC.
KIC, extremely satisfied with the outcome: Did his bottom turn purple???

I honestly don't know where she gets this stuff. *I* always stop when the bottom turns black and blue.

It really DOES take a village

I started this blog so that our far flung friends and family could keep up with the Shoups. Prior to KIC's entrance into the world, it was only a minor inconvenience to have friends and family so far away. That's what phone calls and trips were for. Plus, Brent and I are so fiercely independent, it was not natural to us to acknowledge needing help of any kind.

As K grew older, we moved more towards parenting and socializing with friends, and even with each other, was put on the back burner.  We were both enthralled (and still are) with our baby girl and didn't really want to be apart from her.  Our first date after KIC was a rushed Thai dinner with an even faster drive home.  I think we were gone all of 45 minutes, a fact my friend laughs about to this day.

As KIC grows older, so too does our support system.  Our friends and family are still far flung, but we have gradually added other houses to our village.  This post is to recognize all those wonderful people in our lives, and to hopefully inspire adding your house to someone s village.  Often, the people that need support the most are the ones who never say a word.

To our wonderful parents:  Thank you for every offer of help, every trip to visit and every thoughtful gift.  We know KIC means a lot to you and know that you mean a lot to her.  We are grateful to have you in our lives.

To great aunts and uncles:  Thank you for your love and support and the efforts you make to establish a relationship with KIC.She loves many of you as much as she loves her grandparents, which says a lot.

To the aunt and uncle who are so thoughtful: Thank you for your continued love and support to KIC.  I know that as she grows older, she will appreciate knowing how much you love her.

To the godmother that nobody could replace:  From the gender phone call to the blizzard the day of her birthday to countless baby bath nights, few could love her more, and for that there are simply no words.

For the friends who have (and continue to) invite us for playdates and provide coverage when we need it most:   Thank you.  We, and KIC are lucky to have you, and we look forward to watching our kids grow together.

To the teachers who can, and do, read this:Thank you for instilling core values, inspiring a love of learning and for putting up with shenanigans.

To the friends who travel this parenting road with their own KICs and become a source of comfort and counsel: Thank you for understanding nobody's kid is as bad/good/cute/infuriating as mine and knowing when to provide counsel and when to simply listen.

To the many many people who have offered their own time for KIC to experience first horse rides, first rescue road trips and firsthand looks at veterinary science, thank you.  Every experience has made an indelible impression on her.

To the slightly insane (you kind of have to be) person who assimilated into the Shoup house recently:  Thank you for becoming part of our village.  We have each benefitted so much from your presence, KIC most of all.  Know that no matter how long you are with us, we appreciate you.  Just don't leave tomorrow, K?? 

Finally, for everyone who has said how great my kid is, or how much they enjoy her, or who has asked to hang out with me as a poorly disguised ploy to see KIC...for anyone who can read this, thank you for being a vital part of our village.  Except those who remind me how much KIC looks like Brent.  You get kicked to the curb.  ;)

In short, thank you.  No matter how long you are with us, or how far apart we are, we feel the love and can't say enough how much it means to us.  And we like to think KIC has turned out pretty well, because of it.