We're hiring!! Maybe

Almost two years ago, to the day, I turned to Brent and told him we were hiring a nanny for the summer.  I was concerned about KIC's penchant for blending in with the class and not really participating and wanted her to have some one on one time.  I was also very cognizant of the fact that soon, she would be starting school with days not quite so carefree and wanted to give her the summer of her young life.  Bless my husband, he went with the flow.  Once we talked about it, he felt the same way I did and was willing to at least entertain having a nanny, if only for the summer.  We could do ANYTHING temporarily.

Enter NannyK.  We were looking for a nanny around the time she was available for hire.  One might call it kismet.  Any time you bring someone new playing a critical role in the life of your child, there is some anxiety and tension, but I just knew we were doing the right thing for KIC and felt more comfortable about KIC's care than I had in a long time.  We all entered into the arrangement with the agreement that it would be for the summer only.  However, I knew pretty soon into the arrangement that she would be the best teacher for KIC in that period of her life.  As KIC began to warm up to the arrangement, NannyK felt comfortable agreeing to stay on long term.

NannyK has been with us the past two years and the transformation in KIC has been a sight to behold.  Where she was withdrawn and shy around new people, she can confidently interact with folks she doesn't know.  The amount of things she has learned from NannyK has been awe inspiring and we have found a learning style that works really well for KIC, thanks to NannyK.  KIC has someone to be silly with, to be creative with and to dance around the kitchen singing "Frozen" songs with.  The bond the two of them now have is something beyond my wildest imagination and something I know KIC cherishes.

While I hoped for, and really, expected, growth in KIC due to this wonderful opportunity, I had no expectations beyond that.  The past two years, NannyK has been invaluable in the lives of B and I as well.  During kitten season, I know I can count on NannyK to check on the kittens - that is, when she isn't bringing me pregnant teenage moms.  She has been a source of comfort during hard times, a dynamo in crunch times and just a good friend.  I have, quite unexpectedly, broadened my own horizons.  I say regularly that we are lucky to have NannyK and I mean it.  She came into our lives when we had no idea how much we needed her and has wormed her way into our family.  At this point, we couldn't get rid of her if we tried!  Not that we ever want to.

NannyK has done a very unspeakable thing:  she has gone and got herself the (almost) perfect job in her field of choice.  Her departure is extremely bittersweet and we will all miss her terribly.  I might have thrown a couple of private, okay, public too, tantrums in the days leading up to her departure. 

With this news, comes some big decisions.  We are currently deciding if we want to go back to the day care route or hire another nanny.  I know that no matter what I choose, it will cannot possibly compare to our time with NannyK.  KIC has already told me this, though not in so many words.  More like eye rolls and sighs.  So much for having some time until teenagehood!  Pray for me! 

We wish all the best for NannyK and appreciate having her in our lives the past two years.  We will miss her terribly but know that she'll always have a place in our home and our hearts.  Thank you, NannyK.  You rock our socks!

"I don't get why she's special"

In October, I talked about our struggles with Sunshine's health.  Since August, Sunshine has had pneumonia every month.  We can almost set our calendars to when she gets it.  On top of her diabetes, arthritis and compressed disc diagnoses, she has recently been diagnosed with laryngeal paralysis.  This condition makes her more prone to pneumonia, but, ironically, the treatment for it would me she would get pneumonia three times as much.  Not sure how that works, but it definitely provides muscle behind the argument that not every surgery is a good surgery.  Some pneumonia episodes have been more advanced than others and our vet has seen my ugly cry more times than I am comfortable with, but every single time she bounces back.

The battle with her immune system has taken a toll on her compressed discs.  The movement in her back feet has degenerated to the point that she no longer fixes her positions on her own as she is unaware that there is a problem until she loses her balance.  The cart we got in September has been a tremendous help for every one, obviously, most especially Sunshine.  Her doggie grin as we walk around the block makes my heart smile every time!

On a recent walk, a little boy on the cranky neighbor side came up and asked if he could pet Sushine and Noelle.  He said that he recognized Sunshine from when she used to go to the bus stop.  He said that his dog didn't need a cart and when I told him Sunshine needed a cart because she was special, he said, in the honest way of children "I don't get why she's special."  I asked him how many dogs he had seen using carts and when he replied none, I said "That's why she's special.  Not many other dogs could sport a piece of equipment this impressive."

By now, I'm used to the curious looks and pitying looks.  I think that people think we are prolonging her life unnecessarily.  You need only to visit us to see how much life she still has in her to know that she will most assuredly let us know when she is ready.  But, as always, I began to draw parallels to folks with special needs.  We call them special needs to be kind, or PC, but how many people think to themselves "I don't get why they're special?"  How many people are still using "retarded" to describe some friend's antics (btw, if you ARE still using "retarded" at all, Google why you shouldn't.  When you use "retarded" to describe something or someone, you aren't actually insulting the person you are talking about, you're insulting a person with special needs.  The more you know...) 

We're all special in our own way, but those who are working so hard to overcome the physical and developmental challenges life has placed in their way are "extra special".  Shouldn't we do more to celebrate them, and their victories, great and small, instead of trying to shut them out?  We do so much unintentional harm to fragile psyches when we ignore folks who work so hard to walk, or to feed themselves, or to communicate with us, when a smile or a nod or a simple "hello" would cost us so little and provide so much reward.  I'd rather have a little boy saying "I don't get why she's special" as it provides a gateway to education, acceptance and understanding.

Again, I hesitate to draw parallels between what we experience with our differently abled dog and differently abled humans, but by and large, the human reaction to disabilities remains the same.  Hopefully, the next time that little boy sees a differently abled human, or animal, he'll "get" why they are special. 

Reality Check

Kids are known for having no filter when they speak, and KIC is no exception.  She frequently has those of us who know better laughing at her pointed observations.  She means no harm, but girlfriend has a way of finding your Achilles' heel.

Recently, I was chatting with a friend who has not yet made it to the altar.  This is a point of contention for my friend for many reasons, but as far as I know, KIC remains blissfully unaware of my friend's feelings.  We were having a conversation about getting married.  I had just explained to KIC that marriage isn't just between a man and a woman any more.  For some reason, KIC started to talk about who she knew that was married.

KIC about the friend:  "She's not even MARRIED!!  Mom, you and Dad are on the married list.". (looks at friend). "YOU are  not on the married list."

If you want a good laugh, sit down and have a conversation with KIC.  If you want your self esteem to remain intact, run far far away.

Love Thy Brother

People have been asking how KIC is adjusting to having a baby brother and no longer being the single focus of our lives.  Truth be told, I think she is adjusting better than we are!  It was definitely something we were concerned about from the very beginning and made a concerted effort to involve her in all aspects of the pregnancy. 

Prior to being pregnant with Bean, if you asked KIC if she wanted a sibling, she would tell you very emphatically that one child was enough for this family.  For many many months, she never wavered in her stance that she was the only child we needed.  When we told her, we told her on a night that we engaged in a family craft project that would yield a Barbie play house for her. 

KIC picked out her shirt that day, not even knowing what it said!

On the night we told her, she asserted that we would be having a boy (side note:  she thinks that the baby magically came into my tummy the night we told her.  It's not something I am going to correct any time soon!).  It was too early in the pregnancy to know the gender, so we cautioned her that it might not be a boy and tried to prepare her for a little sister.  KIC, in her wise beyond her years way, basically told us that she would be fine if it was a girl, but it was a boy so no further discussion was really warranted.  We, as the smug, all knowing adults we are, gave her the verbal equivalent of a pat on the head and bided our time until the big reveal then looked at each other with wide eyed wonder when her prediction came true. 

 "It's a brother!  I knew it!"

From the point that we told KIC about the pregnancy, it was game on for her.  Strangers were treated to the information that she was having a baby and it was going to be a boy.  We took her to the gender reveal ultrasound, baby registry shopping as well as various and sundry other activities to keep the momentum going.  Daily questions or thoughts or statements came from her regarding babies and her baby brother in general, especially regarding his arrival.  Thank goodness we had Christmas to use as a timeframe, otherwise, I think we would all have gone crazy!!

When the big day finally came, I can't honestly say it was love at first sight for KIC.  She was in love with him before he was even born.  But the luster hasn't faded for her.  She's not annoying with her love, in his fact constantly demanding his attention.  But when she feels that we are doing a poor job as parents, she's not afraid to step in with quiet censure.

Often, when I'm in the kitchen making dinner before Brent gets home, I'll look into the family room and see her absently rocking him, or giving him a pacifier if he's fussy.  She makes a beeline for him when she gets home from an event where he hasn't been in attendance.  When I first got home, anything I did for him, her question was "Did the doctor tell you you could feed him from a bottle??" or "Did the doctor say he could sleep in his crib??"  I finally had to tell her that I actually KNEW some stuff, that the doctors don't tell you everything.

I think the sweetest exchange, so far, happened the other night.  Brent and I are working hard to get Bean used to sleeping in a crib.  His preferred position is our chest, and that's all well and good, but man, is it exhausting.  So we have been experimenting with the whole "put him in the crib and let him self soothe".  Which means nobody is getting any rest.  But I digress.  On the evening in question, we Bean was in his crib and we were taking the hard line in letting him soothe himself.  KIC, on her way to her room, found this treatment to be unsatisfactory.  She stopped in his room and made a beeline for the music box on the side of his crib.  She helpfully turned it on for him.  His crying stopped until he realized her goal was not to pick him up and put him out of his misery.  When his crying resumed, we saw her (courtesy of the video baby monitor) helpfully offer him one of her Barbies.  She whipped that Barbie into his crib so fast, Barbie's head spun.  When THAT didn't help, she whipped Barbie back out, turned off the music and left the room.  If he wasn't going to appreciate her efforts, she was taking her toys and going home!  Brent and I left our hearts melted into a puddle on the family room floor that night. 

Having a brother of my own, I'm not naive enough to think that this utopia of sibling love is destined to go on forever.  There will be fits and starts and times when the are not speaking to each other.  Alternately, I hope there will be times when we see them voluntarily spending time with each other, loving and appreciating each other.  For now, I will cherish the insta-bond these two have and pray that it continues to grow.  I can only hope their bond is as strong as the one my brother and I have.

Yeah, I'd say KIC is rocking this big sister gig.  Even more, she's making us so so proud to be her parents. 

Craft Night Fun??

We aren't much for structured activities in the Shoup House.  This is largely due to the fact that, as a champion procrastinator, some of my best ideas come spur of the moment.  And also, because at any given moment, some random activity that wasn't even on our radar suddenly HAS TO BE DONE RIGHT NOW!  Family movie night on Friday nights is about as structured and planned as it gets 'round these parts. 

Recently, in an effort to help KIC and NannyK with a project they would be distributing to a retirement facility, we turned a random Saturday night into family craft night.  The craft was deceptively simple:  cut out two shapes that resembled silver bells, tie a jingle bell onto a ribbon, knot the ribbon on the end without the jingle bell, glue and smash together. 

Test sample

Initially, NannyK and KIC had to take a break from making them because they ran out of glue stick.  Of the 40 bells they needed, they had been able to complete 10.  30 jingle bells left?  No problem.  We got this.  KIC and I picked up a six pack of glue sticks (only because I'm pregnant and any other type of six pack is frowned upon, though I would soon see alcoholic enhancement should have been listed as a requirement in the instructions) and merrily went on our way.  The crafting would commence that evening!!!  

The evening of crafting began with KIC distributing two glue sticks to each of us.  Proud parent moment is when your Kindergartener conquers division without even knowing it!  DH cut the ribbon, based upon a length of ribbon NannyK used, I traced and cut out bells and KIC glued the ribbon and the bells and smashed them together.  Our first snag came when I traced the bell on the white border of the scrapbook paper.  When I saw what I did, and realized it was too late to salvage those bells, I was forced to admit my mistake after a most vehement "Awwww, man!"  KIC, seeing my distress, immediately came over and said "Don't feel bad about yourself."  Mind you, the activity had just started.  With my child telling me to not feel bad about myself, when I wasn't planning on it anyway, I could tell we were in for a long evening.

When we started the craft, I envisioned this well oiled manufacturing machine, a la Henry Ford.  I would be in charge of the bell cutting, DH would be in charge of the bell stringing and KIC would put it all together.  On the first bell, I could see why NannyK and KIC had run out of glue - KIC was gluing the bells, and the tablecloth, like they were a cake ordered with extra frosting.  Not one to mess with creativity, I let it go, taking comfort in the fact that the tablecloth was vinyl.  Not even done with his first bell (remember, the process is string bell and tie at the top), DH complained that his fingers were not small enough to tie the bell at the top.  It was at this point, KIC started chanting "Never give up, never give up!" and I started fantasizing about a mojito.

We soon discovered that we would be running out of ribbon and would not be able to complete the assembly of the 30 additional bells.  We calculated we would be able to finish about 12.  Somehow, our calculations were of extreme disappointment to KIC because it was at that point she confiscated the glue sticks from DH and I, saying "I think it was a mistake for you and Daddy to have these."  She of the glue layers so thick you couldn't see the paper through the purple of the glue stick.  I started fantasizing about a second mojito and saw DH smirking, waiting for me to acknowledge family craft night was a bust!  NOT ON MY WATCH, BUSTER!!!

I went out and purchased some additional ribbon and DH and I finished the remaining 18 bells well after KIC had gone to bed - my ego had taken as much beating as it could withstand that night.  It was a good thing too because with the snow storm, NannyK and KIC would not have had time to complete the bells.  I would like to state for the record that had it not been for the glue stick pancaked on the bell cut outs, they actually would not have stuck together.  Who knew???  Well, KIC did, but that's not surprising!

I am happy to report that 37 out of the 38 residents at the retirement community were thrilled to receive bells.  One lady wasn't that into it, but we'll work on her.  Valentine's day will knock her socks off!  Bonus was KIC got to work on her interactions with stranger skills, something that has been steadily improving much to everyone's delight.

As for me, the moral of the story goes like this:  Parents don't know anything about gluing stuff, if you mess up, don't feel bad about yourself, and if you want to retain some semblance of self-respect, don't craft with a 5 year old.

Watch out for that bus!!

There are two new fascinations for KIC that, I believe, will set her up for a career in politics.  The first is her fascination with the "law".  To be clear, the "law" to KIC is police officers.  Any time we see someone pulled over for an infraction, she says "oooo, the law got mad at somebody and pulled them over to get a ticket.  Now they have to go to court and go to jail."  No amoun of "not always" could convince her this is not the case.  In any case, a strong alliance with the "law" would most certainly help the career of any aspiring politician.

The second fascination is her abject refusal to accept responsibility for ANYTHING.  NannyK and I watched her jump off the top step, land on the sidewalk, hit the slippery leaves and fall down.  Whereas her immediate reaction used to be "I'M OKAY!", now it's "I DIDN'T DO IT!!!"  The day she manages to convince any one who sees her direct actions that she did not, in fact, "do it", is the day I throw in the towel.  Seriously, anyone with that much charm has no need for further parental guidance.

Recently, after a shower, I discovered my hair brush had gone missing.  My hair brush tends to be interchangeable as my hair brush and KIC's hair brush, often without my knowledge (I know, I know, I'm going to be in a world of hurt when the lice epidemic hits).  This is the conversation that ensued.

Me:  Who took my hair brush???
KIC:  Not me!!!
(Brent was not around to defend himself)
Me:  Well, somebody took it because it is not on my sink.
KIC:  Well, it was not me.
Me:  Fine, I'm going to call the law. 
KIC:  No you're not!!
Me (pretend calling the law):  Hello, sheriff's department?  I would like to file a complaint.  Somebody stole my hair brush.  Uh huh, uh huh, I see.  Okay, we'll see you soon
KIC:  You did NOT just call the law!
Me:  I did too.  They are going to come over to talk to us because I STILL don't have my hairbrush.
KIC:  It's by my sink.  But I didn't do it!!!  Daddy did!
It's at this point Brent returns from his walk with Sunshine.
KIC:  Daddy, mommy called the law about her stolt hair brush and I told her you took it!  You're going to have to talk to the law because I didn't do it!

Brent admitted to taking the hair brush and not putting it back, but at the end of the day, I was STILL the one who had to retrieve it!!!  I'm going to have to speak to the law about that.  In the meantime, Brent is still tending to his wounds from being thrown under the bus.  He better get used to it.  We still have 13 more years to go!

Avon Walk 2013 Redux

So this year, as many of you know, I participated in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Charlotte, NC.  I signed up for the walk, at a discount, last year when participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Chicago.  It is my goal to experience the Avon Walk in each of the host cities.  I could use the excuse that it gives me a chance to view the local sights, but the reality is, you follow a path and if your path takes you past pretty stuff, then you're good.  Otherwise, as was the case with this walk, you're checking out the pretty Craftsman homes!  In truth, I am really just running away from the hills of the DC Walk.  What, you didn't think DC had hills?  Just try walking in and out, up and down the streets of Georgetown and Silver Spring!

This year, there were many factors against participating.  Fundraising was harder, training was nonexistent and oh, yeah, that whole seven months pregnant thing.  The more you tell me I can't or shouldn't do something, the more I want to do it.  Just ask my mom - I'm contrary like that.  To say that being pregnant (and busy) impacted my training would be an understatement, but I was confident I could do the 13 miles.  I knew there would be blood, sweat and possibly tears, but I had this.

Two weeks before the walk, some health issues, and doubts, started to appear.  For the first time ever, I doubted that I could finish something I started.  Fortunately, the healthy issues (braxton hicks and high blood pressure) were not significant enough for me not to participate, but admonishments were given to take it slow and do no more than I could.

I won't bore you with all the details, but I will say that I finished.  I thwarted the hills of Charlotte (who KNEW???), the steps they threw in just for fun on day 2 and the voice in my head that kept telling me to quit.  I gained inspiration in some of the strangest ways ever:  a pug in a dog cart with issues exactly like Sunshine's (!) who appeared when I was ready to quit, a woman who had a miserable time trying to raise funds and awareness, but who walked anyway and the girl from Florida who was woefully unprepared for the 40 degree weather but camped anyway!  And, oh yeah, the telltale hairless heads of women who had just finished chemo and brought with them not on the the strength to fight, but to walk as well. 

Many of you have said that I was awesome for doing the walk and remarked that you were unsure how I was able to do it as pregnant as I was.  I had a choice, for sure, to postpone to another year.  But I couldn't help but keep positioned in the forefront of my mind that my 26 mile walk was nothing compared to the battle many brave women and men, and their friends and loved ones, face daily.  This walk wasn't about me, it wasn't about me proving the naysayers wrong - it was about those who fought this disease with everything they have, win or lose and are mad as hell they had to do it in the first place.  It's about making sure that girls in KIC's generation have better weapons to fight with, or, hopefully, not ever having to fight at all.  And it's about ensuring that even if you don't know someone who has been personally affected by breast cancer, you cannot let blinders keep you from understanding the impact that this horrible disease has on the lives of those who have known someone impacted by breast cancer.

Second to childbirth, this is one of the most grueling experiences I have ever had in my life.  If it wasn't for the support of donations, my cowalker Sarah, and my wonderful friend Terri who was willing to hurry up and wait to schlep our tired bodies home, I could not and would not have done this.  I am grateful to everyone for their support and honored to be walking for such a worthy cause.  But, I hope you will remember, the true heroes, the humans who are really awesome, are the ones who go into battle everyday.  Send them your accolades and support.  Lord knows, they can use all the support they can get.