I Can't Let This Go

Alternately titled, "Why You Shouldn't Tell Me Anything."

I want to first preface this by saying, the person depicted in this story is 100% not made up and also not me.  Secondly, I'd like to also state that this is all in good fun but everything the other person says they BELIEVE. 

Friend:  You won't believe what happened to me!  I got pulled over for going 57 mph.

Me:  In a 55??

Friend:  Yes!  And I told the officer when he pulled me over "Officer, I have been told my whole life that there is a speed allowance and that during work hours, you can go a certain number of miles over the speed limit."

Me:  You shouldn't have done that!  That is an admission of guilt!  You should just get your speedometer calibrated and when you go to court -

Friend:  Oh, I didn't get a ticket.

Me:  You didn't??

Friend:  No, I just got sassed.  The officer said to me "You know, usually people never pass me."

Me:  You PASSED a police officer?  Going above the speed limit?

Friend:  I always do. 

Me:  ...

Later in the day:

Friend:  After the rough start I had this morning, things are kind of crazy.

Me:  Well, you had the police officer pull you over and what else?

Friend:  That's it.  And I was on the phone with my friend, so he said "So, you passed me AND you were on the phone."

Me:  You PASSED a police officer AND you were on the phone when you did it???

Friend:  Yes!

Me:  I just...I can't...I am going to leave now because I don't trust my filter is working.

Friend:  It's never been a big deal before when I have passed police officers.  It's part of the morning commute.

Me:  Please stop talking. 

Friend:  *laughter*

If you need me, I'll be auditioning new friends with a driver's online test.  Oy.

My weird friends

A friend was recently forced to renovate a bathroom in her home.  Understandably, she took the opportunity to put some style into the renovation. My friend's style is fairly conservative, so when she referred to the soon to be renovated room as the Liberace room, I naively thought she had chosen some wild color.  To be fair, my friend gave me many clues, including the use of the word "wallpaper", but as I am a visual person, I couldn't really see past some weird purple color.

This is an "in progress" photo she sent me:

Liberace would be proud

The following is the conversation that ensued:

Me:  Ummm, that's a whole lotta look.

Friend:  Lol...What other room could we get away with doing that in?

Me:  Maybe it's better in person.

Friend:  Probably not.  It's a little bit metallic and very ostentatious.  That's why I call it my Liberace bathroom.  We are going to get a white corner cabinet to fill up some of the space.  I have a candelabra I can put on top.

Me:  Who even says candelabra any more?

Friend:  What else would you call it?

Me:  I would call it "Not in my house".

For those interested, my friend is charging a mere $5 to tour the Liberace/seizure inducing bathroom, so if you happen to visit Jacksonville, FL, be sure to give her a ring.