Saturday, May 5, 2012

This ain't yo momma's book club!

I was recently invited to join a book club. The first round featured an extremely heavy book and I wasn't sure I could hang. While the book was heavy, the conversations were irreverent, whimsical and funny. As the number of times we meet increases, our time spent discussing the book decreases, and the humorous discourse increases. It should be noted that, unlike many book clubs, our humor doesn't increase with our alcohol consumption, giving you an idea of just how awesome these ladies are.

There are some gems from tonight that are simply too good not to share. These are taken out of context, but I place no spin on the content at all. Okay, maybe a little.

The progression of a gift discussion:
"Hello,Pedro? How much would it cost to taxidermy a hamster? $200?? How long would that take? Could I have it by May 19th?"

"Hello, Mom? We're interested in creating a three piece taxidermied hamster mariachi band. Do you think you could check the taxidermy prices at the lake?"
"Okay, mom says we'll need to send the mariachi clothes and instruments with the hamsters. She says Michael's is a good place to look."
"I know someone who sews. We can totally get mariachi costumes for the hamsters!"
"We might want to get animals that are easier to find.  Though, calling around asking for dead animals to taxidermy is what puts you on my client list."  - criminal defense attorney

How far do you go to avoid embarrassment?
"I paid you $50 to not go to your sex party!"

"This crazy girl is going to shave her head, get a faux hawk - "
"You don't actually have to shave your head to get a faux hawk. You can just buzz it."
"Whatever. She's going to shave her head, get a faux hawk and dye it pink to raise money. I asked her how much it would cost for her NOT to do it."
"I will double what she's paying you so that you DO do it and I want pictures of you walking into work with a pink faux hawk."
"Yeah, I'm not actually going to go into work with pink hair."
"Oh. Well, that decreases the value for me."

On Death and Dying:
""Going to the lake" is my mother's euphemism for taking animals to the vet to be euthanized."
"Does she take husbands to the lake???"

"Wait, why do you have a dead hamster in your freezer?"
"Because they start to stink if you leave them sitting out."
"I have two dead hamsters in my freezer. I've had one for a year and a half, and the other for six months."

"I have the perfect book to read for our next book club."
"What's it called?"
""Ants Have Sex In Your Beer."
"My 15 year old son is going to ask how!"

The Aftermath:
"Tonight is going to get its own blog post!!"
"About crazy women who taxidermy their children's hamsters to give as gifts??"

Hopefully, you too can find an irreverent book club. Just remember, the first rule of book club is to not talk about book club.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's the best book club EVER! And I don't care what you say, Ants Have Sex In Your Beer is a delightful break from reality. And from sensical text. And normalness. And notfunninesstionity.
Also, how long can you keep a hamster in your freezer?