Monday, January 10, 2011

Why I'm Always Late

Those of you who know me know that I am almost always late. It's definitely a result of cramming too much into a day, but I get that the message that it sends is that the other person's time is unimportant, it's all about me. So, I'm trying to be more punctual. There have been a couple of occasions recently where friends have remarked on my punctuality. Never a good sign. LOL

However, when TIC is involved it is nearly impossible to be on time. Fellow parents, you all know what I'm talking about. Non-parents, you don't get it and I understand that. I didn't get it prior to TIC either. So, I've broken down the timeliness failures in childhood phases. My caveat is that I, of course, haven't experienced the timeliness failures for all phases, so insert your own stories where appropriate.

Newborn Phase:
Here's how it goes down: Yeay! You have a brand new baby but you hardly ever leave the house. Bad bad germs, everywhere, don't expose your baby, etc etc. I get it, I totally do. But when it comes time to actually leave the house with your baby, you're unprepared timewise. You've had your diaper bag packed for MONTHS in anticipation of the baby. Get the baby dressed in a cute, stain free, clean outfit, get them in the carrier, get your coat, keys, diaper bag, BAM! You're out the door. Except, wait! When did you last change the baby's diaper? Should you do that before you go out? K, quick diaper change. Coat on, ready to go...uhhh, when did the kid eat last? Do we have supplies for eating while we're out? Shoot! No. You're thinking, okay, I'm going to be a little late, they'll understand and the cute baby will help. Now you're laden with the supplies you need and have locked the door to the house on the way to the car and the puke explosion happens. You hang your head, resignedly open the door, change the baby into a fresh outfit. Now you're really ready! Get to your destination 15-20 minutes late, minimum. Offer apologies and show tiny baby, receive coos, all is forgiven.

Infant Phase:
At about the 2-3 month mark, you've gone out at least a handful of times and are feeling like a pro. You know what you need to have for the diaper bag, you have feeding supplies, you have outfits, diapers, wipes...You are SET! But you realize you haven't done an inventory of the diaper bag since the last time you went out. K, no problem. Quick inventory and restock and you're good to go (you swear you'll do this 15 minutes earlier next time). Your child is in a reasonably clean (one, teeny, tiny stain) outfit that matches, you're in clean clothes (though you haven't showered in at least a think), grab baby, grab diaper bag, grab keys and you're out the door. But wait! Is that poop you smell? Yup, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure is. You hang your head, go upstairs and realize said poopy diaper is now a blow out! Awesome. You change the diaper, hose down your child, change their clothes and head out. You arrive at your destination 15-20 minutes late, offer an apologetic smile and present a cute baby with a gummy smile. All is forgiven. This repeats until the child is about 18 months old.

Toddler Phase:
By this time, if you don't have the basics of getting out of the house down, your whole day is shot. You now spend at least an hour in advance making sure you have all the necessary items for a trip out. You have learned your lesson regarding food and diaper changes, so your kid is fed, diaper changed and ready to go. The outfit doesn't match, only has a couple of stains, but at least the garb is weather appropriate. Your child has outgrown the carrier, so transport from the house to the car is not as easy, but you got this! All you have to do is grab your keys, grab your kid, grab the diaper bag, shut the door and you're so good you're golden! WAIT!!! You left blanky behind! Fine, some concessions can be made. You go back in to retrieve the desired item. You get the child settled in the I have the stroller? Do I need it? No and yes. You head in, grab the stroller, throw it in the trunk, you're on that poop I smell?? SONOFA....back inside you go, change the clothes...No, it's not play time, put on your clothes! PUT ON YOUR CLOTHES RIGHT NOW!! FINE! No clothes, TIME OUT! (you tap your foot waiting) You're ready to put on your clothes? Okay, let's do that and go so we can go see Mommy's friend. You arrive 20 minutes late with a toddler in mismatched clothes that has some sort of unidentifiable gook on them, profusely apologize and show your cute toddler. Apology met with glare as you offer up a fervent prayer that toddler will behave. Promise to be on time next time.

Preschool Phase:
Thus far, the preschool phase has wiped out any semblance of sticking to a timeline. If the outfit isn't up to par, then we are subject to teeth gnashing, general flailing and complete indifference to conflict resolution. Awesome. Get that sorted out, head downstairs with child wearing completely inappropriate outfit for the weather, but at least they are dressed. Time to go. "Mommy, I need a snack, mommy I need water, mommy mommy mommy." "We will get those when we go out." "Mommy, do you have my bedroll for school?" "No, I'll get it now." "Mommy, do you have my backpack?" "No, I'll get it now." "Mommy, do you have your backpack?" "No, I'll get it now. TIC, have you seen Mommy's badge?" "Here it is, Mommy, I find it for you..." "Thanks, TIC, where was it?" "On my table. " The litany goes on and on and on. Generally speaking, since I start five hours in advance (you should see the bags under my eyes), we're only five minutes late, but I swear it feels like it takes us DAYS to get ready and get out the door. On the mornings when I am able to slip out the door because Daddy is doing drop off, I take an hour to get ready and get to my destination vs three.

Moral of the story: Children are the time suck gremlins of the world, but one gummy smile and all is forgiven!

1 comment:

ferfischer said...

TOTALLY. And as they get older it just gets worse, I swear. Love it!