Monday, March 4, 2013

The Day I Got Marital Advice from My 5 Year Old

For anyone who has been in a relationship, sometimes you feel like you are the only one who can do things.  My mom has a theory that men intentionally do things wrong so women step in and say "Oh, I'll just do it" with a scowl.  This wages an internal war between pride that we are the ONLY ones who ensure the world doesn't crumble around our ears and frustration that we can't even delegate simple tasks.

Today, for various reasons, DH took over regularly scheduled Sunday activities.  This entails taking KIC to swim, Wegman's apres swim for brunch followed by grocery shopping.  There were two things on the grocery "list."  A cinnamon roll for me (I'm an addict, so sue me) and bananas.  It wasn't until later in the day that I realized that the bananas did not get purchased.  With some other sort of perfect storm factors thrown in, I did not handle the omission well and was quite vocal about it.  For the record, it's less about the bananas than about the overwhelming feeling of responsibility associated with all aspects of the Shoup House.  And that's as psychoanalytic as I am going to get.

During baby bath night, I was recounting the day to Terri and admitting that the grumpiness about the banana was a little bit overstated.  KIC joined in and shocked us all.

KIC:  Mommy, Daddy didn't get the bananas because he forgot where they were.
Me:  No, Daddy didn't get the bananas because he forgot to get them.  He knows where they are.
KIC:  Daddy forgot the bananas because he didn't have a list.
Me:  That's right, he didn't have a list because he didn't make a list.
KIC:  Well, when Daddy doesn't make the list, then you can also make a list.
Terri:  She knows more about marriage than I do and she's only 5!!

This is where Terri and I burst into hysterical laughter.  She had me dead to rights and there was nothing I could say.  Nothing. 

KIC:  And when you don't have a list, then that's when you get into trouble.
Me:  Nobody is in trouble.
Terri:  No, I think we're all in trouble.

As the conversation went on, and KIC was waxing poetic about the importance of lists, Terri desperately tried to steer the conversation away from the controversy.

Terri:  Okay, I'm going to change the topic.  KIC, how was swimming today?
KIC (who obviously heard, "you had swimming today"):  That's very true, Aunt Terri, but right now we are talking about the importance of lists.

It was shortly after this point that I declared baby bath night over and it was time to wash up.  I didn't need to hear any further why Daddy and I BOTH were in the wrong.  So much for female solidarity in the Shoup House.  Thank goodness for Christmas moonshine.  Keep it coming, Terri.  I think I'm going to need a 13 year (at least) supply.  Heaven help us all.

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