Wednesday, December 7, 2011

This hurts me more than it hurts you

I remember hearing that when I was growing up and feeling like it was a complete crock of ... Anyway, I was face with that very situation this morning. On our way to school, KIC found a cookie. She asked me if she could have the cookie and I explained we don't eat cookies for breakfast (unless you're in college, but that's a whole different ballgame). She agreed and we discussed when it was appropriate to eat cookies (after lunch, after dinner, when you're sad, when you're mad at daddy - oh wait, that's me). I was very proud of her for helping to establish boundaries!

Imagine my surprise, then, when I opened the car door to see the telltale Oreo cookie crumbs around her mouth. As I stood there in shock, she opened her mouth to reveal even more evidence. I explained why what she did was not appropriate and meted out her punishment - no tv tonight. I left her in her class letting her know that I was fine with her, but that she shouldn't have eaten the cookie after I already said no and reinforced no television for the evening. As I left her classroom, I could hear her heartbroken sobs and that's when I realized - this really does hurt me more than it does her. I wanted to rush back to the classroom and tell her everything was okay, but it wasn't okay and even if I did that, I'd be consoling myself more than I would be consoling her. I walked away, brokenhearted, knowing that she'd be fine in a couple of minutes but feeling like Mommy Dearest. I know when I get home, she'll be giggles and smiles and happy to see me, but that moment will weigh on me all day. This really did hurt me more than it hurt you.

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