The one where I get schooled...time and time and time again

We had a wonderful weekend in the Shoup house.  Cookies were exchanged, decorations were put up, fun was had and gates were crashed.  More on the gate crashing later.  For the most part, the weekend was awesome, however, once again, I was humbled by my preschool-aged child.  And by humbled, I mean schooled.  See for yourself:

-  Role Reversal
Me:  We need to go to Home Depot, but we might have to go home first.  I don't think I have my credit card...nope, wait, I have it.  We're good.
KIC:  Mommy, where's your wallet?
Me:  I was a bad girl and I left it at home.
KIC:  Next time, be a good girl.
Me:  (stunned silence)
KIC:  Mommy, next time, be a good girl.
Me:  (petulantly) Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

-  Is it too early to join the NRA?
KIC:  Mommy, what do we need at Home Depot?
Me:  We need some lights for the outside, a Snoopy inflatable and a staple gun.
KIC:  I want a gun!!
Me:  Baby it's not that kind -
KIC:  I want a pink gun!!
Me:  Well, it's not -
KIC:  I want a pink gun and I can shoot.
Me:  Baby, it's not that kind of gun  A staple gun helps us make sure the lights and garland stay in place.
KIC:  Ohhhhh, okay.  But I want a yellow and black gun.
Me:  (submitting to the inevitable) Okay, baby, okay.

-  You're in Trouble!
While wrapping garland around the porch railing, a slat that was loose came completely off the rail.  KIC was HORRIFIED that I broke the rail.  She looked me dead in the eye and said very calmly, "I'm going to tell on you."  I watched, fascinated, as she marched over to her father, with the offending slat in her hand and said "Daddy, Mommy BROKE it!"  What she didn't know was the fact that I've been reporting the loose slat for months, so by telling on me, she was really getting her daddy in trouble, a fact I told him.  After Brent and I were done discussing the broken slat, KIC marched right over to me and said with the same calm precision, "I just told on you."  Well, at least I know where I stand.

-  What are you stupid??
KIC:  Look, Mommy!
Me:  I see!  You've picked up sticks!  How many sticks do you have?
KIC:  Two, but Mommy, I made an 'X', see??
Me:  Yup, you sure did.

If anyone knows of a good tutor who specializes in keeping one step ahead of your not even 4 year old, send 'em my way otherwise, this could be a long, agonizing trip to the land of useless parents.