Alternately titled, "Why You Shouldn't Tell Me Anything."
I want to first preface this by saying, the person depicted in this story is 100% not made up and also not me. Secondly, I'd like to also state that this is all in good fun but everything the other person says they BELIEVE.
Friend: You won't believe what happened to me! I got pulled over for going 57 mph.
Me: In a 55??
Friend: Yes! And I told the officer when he pulled me over "Officer, I have been told my whole life that there is a speed allowance and that during work hours, you can go a certain number of miles over the speed limit."
Me: You shouldn't have done that! That is an admission of guilt! You should just get your speedometer calibrated and when you go to court -
Friend: Oh, I didn't get a ticket.
Me: You didn't??
Friend: No, I just got sassed. The officer said to me "You know, usually people never pass me."
Me: You PASSED a police officer? Going above the speed limit?
Friend: I always do.
Me: ...
Later in the day:
Friend: After the rough start I had this morning, things are kind of crazy.
Me: Well, you had the police officer pull you over and what else?
Friend: That's it. And I was on the phone with my friend, so he said "So, you passed me AND you were on the phone."
Me: You PASSED a police officer AND you were on the phone when you did it???
Friend: Yes!
Me: I just...I can't...I am going to leave now because I don't trust my filter is working.
Friend: It's never been a big deal before when I have passed police officers. It's part of the morning commute.
Me: Please stop talking.
Friend: *laughter*
If you need me, I'll be auditioning new friends with a driver's online test. Oy.
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