Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Parental Dos and Don'ts

This is just a wrap up of the things I have learned as a parent the past two weeks:

* Do not laugh hysterically, while naked, as your child slips and slides their way to the potty in the midst of an accident, no matter how cute they look when they land on their tushy. For one, it makes your wobbly bits even more wobbly, and for two, the child does not appreciate you finding humor in their situation at all. You may also lose some neighbors and or be visited by a law enforcement official (Hi, Officer Dombrowski). It's best to cover up while rushing to the potty emergency.

* When running errands while potty training, always have a complete change of clothes and two back up pull ups just in case. While nakedness on an infant is cute, apparently nakedness on a toddler is not. (Hello again, Officer Dombrowski. So nice to see you twice in one day)

* Do not, for a SECOND, leave a toddler unattended with a fish in a jar. Toddlers don't understand the big ruckus as they try to feed the "fishie" 'Nilla wafers. For all I know, the fish enjoyed it, but if I can't have any, neither can he.

* Know that your toddler's endurance far EXCEEDS your own endurance. After thirty six rounds of "This mine? This mine?" you will cave. Learn to pick your battles. Should you cave on the pocket knife? Probably not. Can you cave on the butane lighter? Iffy. Will you cave on the thirty six bags of Nemo treats loaded chock full of high fructose sugary goodness? Absolutely.

* Get used to the fact that you are dumb. Your need to repeat everything to the resident toddler in chief "Nooooooo. No. NO. NO!!!!!!!" only reinforces this fact.

* Learn to appreciate the value of poop in the potty. Doesn't matter if all of it landed in the potty or if it was a half and half, you'll never praise a bowel movement so much in your life ever...if you're lucky.

* DO NOT, under any circumstances, make a comfortable chair as the time out chair. When faced with X (the "unpleasant thing they want to do", like get dressed for school) or time out, time out will ALWAYS win, thereby defeating the purpose of the time out. Also, a time out chair near the TV is just as ineffective.

That's it for now. I'm sure some more parenting tips will smack me upside the head later.

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